i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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