I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
