I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
