She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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