Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
