If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my shit smells like andre
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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