My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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