Me too!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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