I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i think im in europe. pls send help
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
