found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
did i walk over a car last night?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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