I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
