What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
