saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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