Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
