anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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