you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
