"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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