I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
