What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
