Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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