she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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