you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
