Four minutes until I can fart!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
