so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
