how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
