your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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