that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
