Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
