I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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