I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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