I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
