So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
