i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
