that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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