I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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