Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
