it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
