I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
