Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
