Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
