Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
