i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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