So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
