And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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