he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
