Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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