Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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