Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize