I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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