Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize