I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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