im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
