after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
