At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize