no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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