My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize