onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
