the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
