I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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