The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
