I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
