i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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