How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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