o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
