I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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