Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
