Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
