Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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